Thursday, November 25, 2010

Forgiveness. And a Gift For You All


Something that I spent most of my life believing had to come from outside of myself. Something that had to be given, or granted to me. But if that is true, why is it that you hear:

“You have to ____________ yourself before you can _____________ anyone else”?

Fill in the blank with anything: Love. Make Yourself Happy. Nurture. Feed. Please.

And there is great truth there. You have to be happy from within before you can find happiness without. We are given this message almost every day online. We are responsible for our own happiness. We must love ourselves before we can truly love another.

So why then are we not responsible for forgiving ourselves? We are capable of it. Certainly it is hard. We have each been through so much in our lives, most of it we probably blame on ourselves for one reason or another. But the best thing we can do is let it go. Forgive ourselves. Feel peace with our past and allow the things we have been holding onto to leave and make room for new beautiful experiences.

Paul Boese said, “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”

How beautiful those words are. The past is the past. It makes us who we are. But holding tightly to the blame we place on ourselves will not get us anywhere. By letting go, releasing it, we can create space to fill with new wonderful memories and feelings.

Here are a few examples to illustrate my point:

1) 1. When I was pregnant, I did research like crazy to plan a specific birth plan that I had in mind. I wanted to have vaginal birth, without being induced, and with little or no medical interference, (unless you count powerful pain killers which I was pretty sure I would agree to anyway). I ended up having a c-section because my baby was stuck and couldn’t descend all the way due to my pelvic bones not spreading enough. I would have been completely unprepared if it weren’t for the fact that my best friend had to have an emergency c-section with her first child and made sure that I was prepared for the remote possibility that it would happen. To this day I still struggle with a certain feeling of disappointment in myself. Like I failed somehow by not having the birth I had wanted. However, my son is healthy and beautiful. I am healthy. We both survived the delivery, and all is well with the world.

2) 2. I have a dear friend who has had several rough years in her life and her marriage. She made a terrible mistake and hurt her husband and their marriage very deeply. Time has passed. They have healed their marriage. Her husband has forgiven her, and I can safely tell you that their relationship is stronger and better than ever. Their family has grown, and it is a beautiful thing. But she still can’t seem to forgive herself for what she did. For a time there she was in a very deep depression because of it. I ache when I see how she hurts for the past. But just as I am the only one who can forgive myself for my different-than-desired child birth, she is the only one who can forgive herself for her mistake.

I invite you to take part with me in a Month of Forgiveness. I want to make a fresh start for 2011, and leave the pain and pressure in 2010. I am going to write down one thing each day for the month of December that I forgive myself for. Then on December 31st, I am going to burn my list, and let go of the past. I have created a fun little workbook for you to print out and write in, and I would like to share this with as many people as I possibly can. Let us all leave the past behind us, and light a fire of inspiration for a beautiful new year!

Click on this link Forgiveness Workbook to download your copy! Please share this with everyone you know! I feel very strongly that I'm not the only one who needs this message right now, and I want to really get it out there!

Note on the workbook*** It is designed to be printed back to back on the same page and folded in half.

Today I am Thankful...

...for all that I am, and all that I have been through. For I know, that if I had not experienced all the things I have, I would not be who I am. I think about this a lot. For example, when I found myself 25 years old, single, and pregnant, I was pressured by a whole community of people to put my baby up for adoption (because it was the 'right' thing to do). But because of all that I had been through, I knew that would never be an option for me, and now I have a wonderful 5 year old son that I love so much more every day.

All that I am, I have become because of everything I have experienced. There are hard days, hard things I've been through, things I still struggle with, and new struggles and troubles will always come along; but the beauty is, I will keep surviving, thriving, and growing, into who I am, and who I am meant to be.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Beautiful - Girl Powah

I haven't posted a Girl Powah video in a while... so I have one that I really love for you. Beautiful by Christina Aguilera. I think the message of the song is clear.... You are beautiful!

Beautiful by Christina Aguilera

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, it hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone left the puzzle undone
That's the way it is

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...

No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
(no matter what they say)
When the sun is shining through
Then the clouds won't stay

And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun won't always shine
(sun won't always shine)
But tomorrow will find a way
All the other times

'cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today


Thursday, November 4, 2010

Me Time

After a long, stressful week, that isn't over yet(!!!) I wanted to finally try out my new bathtub... a big sunken garden tub! I have always loved taking baths, but haven't lived where I had one in quite some time. I love being able to just sink into the water and relax!

We live in an older manufactured home, so it isn't great here, but in my relaxing mind, I saw only one place....

A beautiful tub in a beautiful room, is just about perfection as far as I'm concerned! I love bubble baths, they are so delicious and fun but my favorite bath accouterments are English Bath cubes. I've loved these since the first time I spend my allowance money on them at the drug store. They leave my skin feeling so silky soft and scented with delicious English aromas. Add in a few drops of divine Lavender Bath Oil from Yves Rocher and I'm in heaven!

I recently joined the Goddess Circle from and downloaded all of Leonie's amazing meditations. She is holding a 17 Days of Zing meditation party for the first 17 days of November, where we all due one of the 3 meditations (5 minutes, 10 minutes, or 20 minutes long) from her Holy Dinger Uber Deep Zennifying Meditation kit.

If you are not familiar with Leonie, and her website, I urge you to hop over there. She is such a sweet darling, and so full of love and inspiration that you can't help but love her. She has created some amazing e-courses, workbooks, and meditations that I LOVE. But I digress.... :)

While in the bath, I did the 10 minute meditation, and it was amazing! I am loving how much clarity and calm I have gotten from the three (out of 4) days that I have done it so far. I have been through some tough stuff just in the last week, and this has been the perfect time to start a practice of daily meditation. The focus it has given me has surpassed anything I expected!

Oops, I went off again! Back to relaxation! (How old do you have to be before you know if you have adult onset adhd?)

Then I soaked until my pruney skin smelled delicous and felt super soft...

Then I helped myself to a new snack the Chris and I discovered at Walmart. It is not healthy , so look away if you are dieting!
Triple Chocolate Filled Muffins! It is the generic Walmart brand, and cheap too! I heated it up for 15 seconds in the microwave and dove into my chocolate lava muffin and a glass of ice cold milk. Yum!

Now I am blogging.... naturally one of my "me time" activities. In a moment I am going to go lay my tired head down on my soft pillow, which I have scented with my favorite lavender pillow mist and pass out into a blissed out stupor!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Giveaway Winner!

And the winner... as determined by is GlendaM over at Myles Ahead! Congratulations sweetie!!! Pop me an email and I will send over your prize! A $45 E-gift-certificate to CSN stores! Thanks to everyone who entered, and hello to all my new followers! You are all so wonderful!
Lots of love!